Thursday, May 31, 2007

Comments? I beg thee...

OK, so this is my second blog. My last one didn't take this long to get its first comments. What, did I become unfunny? Uninteresting? Or did everyone suddenly become fingerless lurkers, unable to type or express themselves?


Don't make me write about truthers, and Bush and all that shit that everyone else writes about.

So comment.

Pretty please?

Just In: Female Cheetahs are Whores

From CNN:

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- For female cheetahs in the Serengeti, the call of the wild is just too hard to resist as new research shows nearly half of their litters are made up of cubs with different fathers.
And while the serial infidelities of the females does ensure a broader genetic mix to help the survival of the endangered species, it comes at a cost, the Zoological Society of London (ZSL) said on Wednesday. "Mating with more than one male poses a serious threat to females, increasing the risk of exposure to parasites and diseases," said Dada Gottelli, ZSL's lead scientist for the research.

I knew it. Just knew it. Whores! There all whores! Seriously though - who fucking paid for this dumbass study? Let's see. We have serious subjects such as global warming, space exploration and apparenlty "I wonder if female Cheetahs fuck a lot?" we know...and the world is a better place.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Personal Observation #1

Just an observation. I don't think there are nearly enough social networking sites. I think I'll start up one called Fister.

I know what you're thinking. I own the domain forget about it....

Interview with Richard Feynman

Me: So, you've been dead for what, 20 years now?
RF: 19 dumb ass. I died in 1988. Do the math.
Me: Uhm, yeah, sorry. I guess I should be more exact when talking to a Nobel Prize winning Physicist.
RF: Damn straight, mister.
Me: Alrighty then. So, you like fucked all kinds of women - you were a freak!
RF: Can't we talk about my work on the atomic bomb or quantum physics?
Me: Who the fuck wants to know about that shit. I mean, you practically fucked every thing that moved! And drank a shit load! And played the bongos! You were just the tits man!
RF: Uhm, well. You know I went to Princeton and...
Me: Yeah, but the fucking. Let's get back to the fucking. Ever fuck a sheep?
RF: [perplexed look]
Me: Well?
RF: [perplexed look]
Me: OK, I'll take that as a 'maybe'.
Me: Can you tell us more about your Feynman Diagrams? As I understand it, you used these diagrams as a shorthand for describing the interaction between quantum particles in spacetime, specifially positrons and electrons.
RF: WHAT? First you're asking about fuck this and fuck that and then you whip that shit out?
Me: Don't be so defensive dude - I'm just as curious about your diagrams as the next guy.
RF: [perplexed look]
RF: Well, since you asked, I devised what is now known as the Feynman Diagram in order to simplify the complex interactio....
ME: Can you diagram you fucking stuff?
RF: [walking off while giving me the finger]
ME: Well, can you?

Jesus - Nobel Prize winners are so fucking uptight.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Uhm, the walls....they're getting closers....

You can take the thug out of the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto out of the thug. Hey Vick....can you feel your precious little world collapsing in on you yet?

We see pompous asses like him think they are immune to the law and then we are faced with the loss of a real role model like Marquise Hill. Hill was a second round draft pick for the Pats last year and by all measures was a pretty neat guy - spent most of his free time in New Orleans helping rebuild. The math is pretty easy in my mind. Hill = good role model. Vick = 3rd rate QB who because of his amazing atheletic talents is tolerated.

UPDATE: SI has a great and rather damning piece on this running right now.

The quote that makes me cringe is:

A source close to Vick with links to the NFL told SI last week that those two characterizations oversimplify the situation. "Mike really loves dogs," said the source, who asked not to be named. "It's the country side of him coming out.
He doesn't believe he's doing anything wrong.

You've got to be fucking kidding me! Mike really loves dogs? I don't think so. Unless having two dogs tear each other apart is a new aphorism for "love". Country side? Sounds like a lame excuse for being a sick fuck.

You look lovely today, did you shave your landstrip with a Gillette Mach 8?

I tend to listen to talk radio while driving - but where I live in Florida, there is not a lot of choices. This pretty much leaves me with NPR, which isn't too bad if taken with a grain of salt. They had an interesting piece on today about "word of mouth' advertising and how it is the new "new" thing right now. It works like this: ad agency hires you to basically inject gleeful comments about a product into your every day discussion with, well anyone and everyone.

Me: "So, Bob, how are you doing today?"
Bob: "Well, I''m actually having a shitty day. My dog died and...."
Me: "Yeah. That's great. So, I notice your starting to go bald. Have you considered using Rogaine?"
Bob: "Uhm, what?"

Pretty easy, eh? And people get paid for this. In the NPR piece, they talked about a company called BzzAgent that is leading the way in this new and exciting advertising ploy. Sounds fucking annoying to me, but advertising in general is annoying to me. So - next time someone drops the innocuous reference to some product during a conversation with you - you now know that you're being schemed. Feel free to punch them in the side of the head.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Dinosaur on the loose in Florida

Here in Florida, we have some bizarre shit. We have more poisonous things and big-ass critters than just about anywhere in North America...apparently, including an 80lb lizard that police officers shot. And it slinked away. First of all, that's a big fucking animal - let alone a lizard. Residents are waiting to see a carcass before letting their children and pets out. Sounds like a good idea to me.

Where I live in Florida, we only have to worry about black widows, brown recluses, rattlers, cotton mouths and gators. We have it easy...

Golf Golf Golf

I played golf three times this weekend. First round sucked, but my last two rounds were decent - 86 and a 90. I hate shooting in the 90s! Every Memorial Day weekend, my club does what they call the flag tournament - they give you a little American flag with your name and a score that you "plant your flag" on (80% of your handicap on 72 holes - mine was a 85). So today, as I holed on on the 17th hole, I planted my flag. The farther you get before you plant your flag, the better you did. I'm pretty damn sure I didn't win anything today - slightly worse than average round for me.

I did manage to take delight in watching my arch enemy (good friend of mine and a much better golfer - he's a 5 handicap) flail around today like a rank rookie - he shot a 94 - which just sucks major ass for him. He was just doing some funky shit today. He'll snap out of it.

All in all, a great Memorial Day weekend thus far - still on BBQ to go - and actually I'm pretty beat - but I guess that is sign of a good weekend! More later....

Friday, May 25, 2007

It's going to be a goooood weekend

It's going to be a good weekend indeed! All the signs are here:

1. The amazingly illogical, yet superhot Rosie O'Donnell has decided to leave The View early (three weeks). I suspect she'll drown her sorrows away eatting a family of four. Adios, el fatasse'.

2. I've got a fresh supply of Newcastle ale, Talisker 18 y/o single malt and cigars

3. I just suspect Michael Vick, superstar QB and ubber-genius in running his personal affairs is going to get his pee-pee slapped hard when the truth behind all this dogfighting bullshit comes out.

4. Three rounds of golf planned this weekend and it looks like the weather is going to be beeeeeeyotching!

5. Boys night out tomorrow night. Bad things planned.

Some days you just gotta feel good to be alive.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

rita is a sexy sexy moose

80 pounds of canine love. you a sexy beeyotch Rita

test post from my blackjack

just a test. nothing to see here. move along.

Look 'Tards! Comment Already!

What? Do I have to blow someone to actually get a fucking comment here? Real simple. I write. You comment. I make fun of you for your stupid comment. Got it?

A Gentleman and a Scholar

Big thanks to Dr. James Joyner for the "welcome back" link from over at Outside the Beltway. James was always a wonderful person to deal with in the blogosphere - amazing how thoughtful he could be given his ever growing presence! Thanks again James!

Sonos ROCKS!

I rarely purchase anything that has so far exceeded my expectations as Sonos. I'm a big digital music freak. I ripped 900 of my own CDs - something like 15,000 songs and love blasting them everwhere in the house. The problem was that I always found it inconvenient to connect this to that or turn up the volume here or whatever. And I'd looked all over for the perfect digital music solution.

SONOS is that solution and so much more!

The idea is, with the dual zone pack (I'll explain), you get two zone controllers and a wireless remote. One of the zone controllers connects to your router, providing it with access to the Internet and your network. This is Zone One. You can label it - mine is called "Patio". You connect unpowered, normal stereo speakers to it. Mine are outdoor Bose. Zone two is inside the house and is named "Living Room". Both zones can talk to each other, sharing the network connectivity established by Zone 1. Then, the wireless remote can control both Zones - independently.

For instance, I can have 80s music playing on the Patio Zone and Radio Disney playing in the Living Room Zone. I can sychronize both zones to play the same thing. I can mute either zone (or both). I can independently (or together) control the volume, treble, bass and balance of each zone.

Cool. So good, so far. So, out of the box, I get access to all my MP3s and 300 Internet radio stations. You can always add more from the remote or your laptop. Now comes the fun part. For $9.95 / month, I signed up for Rhapsody (used to use Napster at $9.95/month). Rhapsody is FULLY integrated into the product with over 3 Million songs. You can search by artist, genre, sub-genre, sub-sub-genre. You can created playlists modeled off of an artist - they call it Artist Radio. Go to Journey- but you don't want to listen to just them. It will create an entire playlist of Journey and Journey-like music that is actually pretty damn close to what you would expect. Rhapsody also includes a boat load of their own "themed" radio stations - 80s, 90s, Funk, Disco, you name it - they have it.
You can create play lists on your laptop and it auto-synchs with the controller. I've created playlists or added new music to my account at work and when I get home - it's been added to my remote controller. Fucking SWEET!
Speaking of the controller - it is very iPodish - with the usual spin touch dial. Nice big color screen. It shows the current artist, album and track. You can also next/prev through both the playlists and radio stations. While it is not super easy to search for tracks in Rhapsody using the controller - it is possible - it just takes a bit of time. The best way it to use a laptop and let it synch. Finally, when listening to a playlist or radio station, you can click a button and tell it to add the song, artist or album to your collection.
Rhapsody allows you to add as much music as you want to your collection for 9.95/month. So long as you pay, it is yours to listen to. For an additional .99/song, you can actually own the music (to rip to CD, etc) instead of rent. But, I'm perfectly happy just renting the music - saves me the hastle of storing it all.
The performance of the system has been fantastic and the sound quality is nothing less than THUMPING. Every person who has had a chance to play with it instantly loves it. We frequently fight for control of the remote!
The basic system is not cheap - this is definitely for the serious - but I promise that it is well worth it. $1,199 gets you the two zone controllers and the wireless remote control. Add speakers to taste. Again - very rarely have I bought something where my expectations have been so far exceeded. Simply awesome! You can find more at SONOS.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Armadillos - my arch enemy

Ever seen an armadillo? I have and I fucking hate them. Here in Florida, these vile evil creatures love digging up shit. This is not bad in and of itself, unless the said shit that is being dug, happens to be my god damn lawn. Dillos must die. And there are bazillions of them. They apparently fuck like bunnies. Real ugly bunnies.

Last summer, I notched 6 of them - all with my trusty Glock. Apparently, they're not uparmored against .40 rounds. This year I've whacked 2 already. This may seem cruel to some, but you must understand that they are like rats. Rats with hard shells. That hop. And are really, really stupid. You can actually just stand still and they'll mosey right up to you. Which makes them real easy to crack with a golf club. But that just bends the shaft, ruins a nice Calloway 4 iron and generally just irritates them.

I'm pretty sure there is a whole gang of these bastards attacking my lawn. I'm not sure what a group of Dillos is called - I'm pretty sure it's not a gaggle, or pride. Ha - that would be the shit. A pride of Armadillos. Anyhow, I digress. Suffice to say, there is a whole shit load of these bastards.

So, if they continue to treat my back yard like their personal buffet, I will continue to treat them like slow moving, brainless targets.

Gotta go. I think I hear one now....

Aiding and Abetting - Wireless Style

Read a bit today about a guy who would park his car outside a coffee shop and hitch a ride on their unsecured wireless connection. Turns out, he had been breaking Michigan's "Fraudulent access to computers, computer systems, and computer networks" law, a felony punishable by five years in prison and a $10,000 fine.

The end result? This guy actually was convicted and had to pay a $400 fine and do 40 hours of community service.

I find this a bit bizarro. The original law was put on the books in 1979, but was update to include Wi-Fi networks in 2000. While I understand the intent, this just seemed like bullshit to me. So -if he is in the coffee shop, he's ok. But being outside made it illegal? Sounds like the cops in Michigan don't have enough to do. And I can't imagine a DA would actually persue this.

No mention of the coffee shop owner being a dumbass for having their network unsecured. They should have charged him with aiding and abetting in the commital of a felony.

Joining in on the OTB Traffic Jam!

Good thing she didn't make fun of his 5th appendage

From CNN:

SAN MATEO, California (AP) -- A man accused of biting off his wife's bottom lip after she called him short has rejected a plea offer and will stand trial next month, prosecutors said.

Akano Nzerem, 54, of South San Francisco, is charged with felony counts of domestic violence, mayhem, false imprisonment, battery and making criminal threats.
Nzerem told police he was provoked by his wife attacking him first and calling him a short man, according to the district attorney's office. Police said Nzerem shoved aside his 16-year-old daughter when she tried to intervene in the argument. He then allegedly grabbed his wife in a bear hug and bit off her lip.

Police recovered the lip from the floor but doctors were unable to reattach it. Nzerem's wife said authorities have exaggerated the extent of her injuries.

Dear God! Imagine if she said he had a small dick! We'd be reading about a homicide!
Throwing this one out for the OTB Traffic Jam.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


As a technologist of over 15 years, I've seen companies come and go. I've always been a fan of Microsoft - while they never seemed to have an original idea, they tend to do a great job of improving on other's ideas. But I have to say that I'm just blown away by the machine that is Google. These guys get it - flat out. Not only do they own SEARCH, but they are going to own the 'Software as a Service' space too. And they seem to be making all the right friends:


File this one under the heading of "after-the-fact" ruminations. But a recent
report in The Wall Street Journal that Google and were talking
about ways to collaborate particularly piqued my interest. This potential
partnership makes sense in so many ways--not the least being that it would drive
Steve Ballmer to pull out what's left of his hair.

Microsoft CEO Steve
Ballmer(Credit: CNET
Would Google actually buy Salesforce? I'm sure
Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff would sell at the right price, and Google obviously
has money to spend. But these two don't have to head to the altar right away
because they can still realize their common objective of driving Microsoft
Why wouldn't Benioff want to team up with Google? It's only a matter
of time before Microsoft begins to compete more directly against Salesforce, and
a well-heeled ally would come in handy.
The only surprise for me is that
it's taken this long for Google and Salesforce to get serious about hammering
out a pact. Google Apps--which include several Web-based apps--don't at all
overlap with customer-relationship management offerings. What
with Google also trying to push a paid version of Google Apps for business
users, the argument for a stronger alliance with Salesforce becomes a slam dunk.


Wow! Microsoft just keeps getting one-uped by the boys at Google.

This Tit's For You

From LGF we have the following bizarro nugget:

CAIRO — A professor at Egypt’s Islamic Al Azhar university Monday retracted a controversial religious edict which states that a woman can only be left alone with a strange man if she breastfeeds him.

Ezzat Attia, president of the university’s Hadith department which studies traditions based on the Prophet Mohammed’s words and deeds, withdrew his fatwa and apologized for any inconvenience he caused, in a statement distributed by Al Azhar, Sunni Islam’s main seat of learning.

Attia’s edict, which sparked an uproar in the media, stated that a woman can only be alone with a man to whom she is not related - such as an office colleague - if she nurses him “directly from her breast” at least five times.

In his retraction, Attia said the fatwa had been a result of his personal analysis of Islamic texts and was in fact “a bad interpretation of a particular case” during the time of Prophet Mohammed. According to Mabruk Attia, a professor of theology at Al Azhar, the Prophet had advised a woman to nurse her adult adopted son, to become his wet nurse, following an Islamic ban on adoption. The woman gave the man her milk from a bowl, and not directly from her breast, Mabruk Attia said.

Gawd, I love when people over-interpret scripture.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Jimmy Carter: Moron or Genius?

Jimmy Carter, former President, Nobel Peace Prize winner and now?

I'm inclined to think Jimbo is starting to lose his fucking mind. He's just saying some stupid shit now a days. Is it just me? (I'm not being a Bush apologist - I just think Jimmy's a couple patties short of a Big Mac).

E-vick-t the Prick

For the OTB Traffice Jam!

Michael Vick. Star Quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons. Bazillion dollar contract. And apparently, likes to amuse himself and his dumbass friends with dog fighting...or so the accusations go. Sheer genius. I'm just confused as to why someone who came from so little and now has so much would put the whole thing at risk over something as stupid and vulgar as dog fighting.

Vick, in my humble opinion, is just a symptom of a much bigger problem. All of these star athletes, who should be thanking their lucky fucking stars for being where there are, instead choose to act like complete fucking morons. They do drugs. They commit every flavor of felony offense. They act like they're entitled, beyond the law and immune to the regular world we all live in. To some extend, we're at fault. We put up with it. We continue to buy the tickets and jerseys. I mean, why wouldn't we? These guys are role models for our kids and us. They allow us to dream big. We marvel at their unbelievable athleticism on the field.

But, I think these days are quickly coming to an end - at least in the NFL. The new commish, Roger Goodell, is loudly stating there is a new sherrif in town - and he ain't gonna put up with this shit any more. Granted, the NFL, like most major sports, is a business. It's about making money. But at some point, when the off field bullshit starts tarnishing the overall image of the product (the league), things change. Goodell has already started off in the right direction - basically showing Tennessee's Packman the door for the season and slapping serial offender Chris Henry with a rather lengthy suspension.

Yet, compared to Vick, these guys are peanuts. Vick is and has been the face of the NFL for some time now. Granted - his on field exploits have never quite lived up to billing, but damn - the man can do shit no one else can. And you just sit in awe watching him pull off the most un-freaking-believable stuff. Yet, I strongly suspect that with the pressures on Goodell to wipe the tarnish off his zillion dollar money making NFL, Vick will soon find out that he is no longer immune to punishment for acting like a second rate thug.

Vick - grow up, act like you're worthy of your respect.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Here we go again...

So, I used to have my own blog. Ran it myself using pixelpost, highly modified the code, all the fun stuff a techie likes to do. I stopped about two years back after both losing interest and changing jobs. I figured now that I was in a VP role with a big important company, it might be frowned upon if I used the word FUCK a lot. And, whether fortunately, or unfortunately, I do use the word fuck a lot. Kind of like a comma. So, if you are easily offended by rude language, move on, because you'll get a lot of it here.

Speaking of offensive, I like getting a reaction from people. Sometimes, just for the sake of it. I find it somewhat amusing to see people get their panties in a wad over stupid shit. So expect that here. And again, if you are one of those "easily offended" types, move on. Go read a blog about puppies or something equally brainless and innocuous. This is my place to spout off about dumb people doing dumb things at dumb times. And mind you - it's all my opinion, but as I noted, I'm very opinionated and you may find yourself agreeing with one thing I say and then wanting to fire off a tirade about the next. Your problem. Not mine.

So, by way of introduction, a bit about me. I' m fairly well educated, having undergrad degrees in Russian Language and Foreign Affairs and a Masters in Software Systems Engineering. I'm in my mid-thirties, male, married and two kids who shall remain nameless (girl and boy). I also have two dogs, one of which is a fucking moose-sized beast, the other being a socially retarded pansy (her former owner thought it would be a good idea to kick the shit out of her, so she is understandably a bit "tense" around people, especially men).

I read a shitload - something on the order of 5-6 books a month and tend to be very up to date on the news. Most of my reading is non-fiction - just finished reading a couple books about the history of quantum physics. That's some seriously cerebral shit there.

I don't watch much regular TV, like anything on the normal networks - so forgive me if I don't get your clever 'Grey's Anatomy' reference. I'm very much a nerd when it comes to my TV options - preferring the Science channel, Discovery, History Channel and things in that vein. I'm also a huge football nut - American style, not that pansy soccer shit - although I do like soccer as well - but just not as much as the good ol' NFL.

I'm very empirical, rational and methodical in most everything I do. I'm agnostic, bordering on atheistic (I'll save the religion rant for a later post).

And finally, politics. Call me a disenchanted independent. I vote for whoever floats my boat at the time. I think government needs to be small and stay the fuck at out my wallet. I think the government needs to stay the hell out of my bedroom and personal affairs. I beleive in a woman's right to choose. I believe in a smart fiscal policy, a strong military and the right for any person to be with any other person of their chosing. So basically, I really can't stand either party, but have to usually use the "idiot that I dislike the least" litmus test. Rarely, do I think the cream of our political talent pool rises to the top. I think the system virtually ensures that the dumbasses do. At least it gives me something to bitch about though.

So, that's enough about me for now.